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Episode 524: 12 to the Moon

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Complete Audio File

[Frank] - Good evening, ladies and gentleman. Good evening. Tonight it's my pleasure to host Deep 13's Annual Celebrity Roast.

[Frank] - This year, our guest of honor is none other than (reading from a card) Dr Clayton Forrester! (applauds) Dr Clayton Forrester, ladies and gents.

[Frank] - You know, I'd like to say that tonight we're honoring one of the world's most brilliant scientist....

[Frank] - I'd like to say that, but unfortunately we're stuck with Dr Forrester! (both laugh)

[Frank] - Seriously, though, I'm treated well down here. My paycheck has lots of zeros....

[Frank] - Nothing but zeros, as a matter of fact! (both laugh) But still...

[Frank] - No, really, I kid the good Doctor. But I think deep down, underneath it all, he's a real jerk! (laughs)

[Dr F] - (Pauses, taking in what Frank just said)

[Frank] - There are a lot of reasons you could give for why Dr Forrester is the way he is. Uh, personally I think it's because he's ugly and stupid! (laughs)

[Frank] - No, no, seriously, Doctor. In all sincerity, what I really came here tonight to say was, I hate your guts, and I hope you die a slow, painful death, secure in the knowledge that nobody loves you. (laughs)

[Frank] - Well, let's bring up our guest of honor for tonight, ladies and gentleman, (applauds) Dr Clayton Forrester himself! Dr Forrester! Yes...

[Dr F] - Uh, thank you, TV's Frank. (laughs) You know, there is, um, after a - a beautiful tribute like that, there's only one thing I can say....

[Dr F] - And that's (punches Frank in the stomach!) ([Frank] - Ooof!)

[Dr F] - And in conclusion (punches Frank in the stomach again!) ([Frank] - Oooh!)

[Dr F] - (Laughs) I know I should have hired Red Buttons. Back up to you, Merv.

(Cuts away to Mike and the Bots, then back to Deep 13)

[Frank] - (Bent over, coughing, while Dr F flicks cigar ashes on his back)

[Dr F] - Oh, um, do me a favor, Frank. Um, take these oranges and, uh, wrap them in this towel. Alright? ([Frank] - Oh, sure thing, Doc.) Good boy.

[Dr F] - Ah, Mayor Dinkins. As a special treat, your movie this week is a little bit of a change of pace. It about a bunch of astronauts who go on a space mission, back in the 50's. It's called 12 to the Moon. But 1st, a little musical acid trip, from our friends at General Motors, called Designed for Dreaming. (laughs).

[Frank] - What are you going to do with these, Clay?

[Dr F] - Ah, just call be Bobo, Frank. (laughs) ([Frank] - (looking very scared, as Dr F prepares his next attack.)

(Segment Ends)

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