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Episode 208: The Lost Continent

---------------------------

Complete Audio File

[Tom] - The Explorers! A Quinn Martin Production!

[Tom] - Starring Joel Robinson!

[Tom] - Also starring Crow and Tom Servo!

[Tom] - With special guest-star, Michael Sarrazin!

[Tom] - Tonight's Episode: Drop Personal Pronouns or Die! Act One!

[Crow] - Oh, what I wouldn't give for a charbroiled hamburger sandwich and some french-fried potatoes!

[Tom] - Boy, you said it! (both) Mmmm-Hmmm!

[Joel] - Greetings, naive native types....

[Joel] - I am Joel Robinson, Explorer! I come on great white jet-bird in sky.

[Tom] - Oh, you mean that DC-9 stretch that arrived at 0-14 hours this morning?

[Joel] - I come to teach you white way - teach you white man's tongue...

[Crow] - Jeeze, what is it with this guy!?

[Joel] - I show you great white culture. Shakespeare: Be not be that question....

[Joel] - Sinatra: Get no kick Champaign. Mere firewater no thrill. Get kick you. Kingston's: Louie-Louie oh baby, we got go, yah yah yah yah.

[Crow] - You're high, aren't you?

[Tom] - Act II (clears throat)

[Joel] - I come to... teach you... ([Tom] - (prompting Joel) Primitive backwards people!) people. You know not about Bible. You know not about... um, schools. You know not about Home Shopping Network.

[Crow] - Servo, look at his eyes! He's all tripped-up on goofballs!

[Tom] - ([Joel] - I teach....) Act III!

[Joel] - I here to show you ways of West. Show you Judah-Christian way of life.

[Tom] - Um, that's all very well and good, but why are you talking like an idiot?

[Joel] - ([Tom] - Um, Act IV.) Um, I need you guys to talk this way, because, um, it's the only way you can help support the white male reality.

[Joel] - ([Tom] - Um, well, how do you figure that?) Well, as the white man ravages his world, with his imperialistic corporate sensibilities, you see, you help support his smug, superior-istic attitude by talking real dumb, ([Tom] - Oh....)

[Crow] - Jeeze, this sketch is getting preachy!

[Tom] - Okay. Um, we make white devil feel good. We talk like jerk.

[Joel] - Great! I knew I could count on you simple backwards natives to help me out.

[Tom] - Glad we be of help. Crow, kill him! ([Crow] - Okay) Kill him! ([Crow] - All right.) Kill him!

[Joel] - ([Tom] - Epilogue! Kill him!) I knew it! I knew it!

[Joel] - ([Tom] - What?) So, thought you could make Crow the fall guy, didn't you, Tom Servo! Pretty tricky! But the truth is, is you killed Michael Sarrazin! ([Tom] - What?!)

[Joel] - YOU DID IT!!!

[Crow] - Hey! What kind of psychedelic voyage are you on now!?

[Joel] - He had it all figured out! He knew the perfect crime! I even had Betty and Jedediah check for prints, but they came up short. But you forgot the one thing that every murderer forgets! ([Tom] - Joel? Joel? Joel!?)

[Tom] - Joel, you're WAY off script. What the hell are you talking about?

[Joel] - Uh, Well, I'm just trying to find a way to justify all this Quinn Martin stuff with the Explorer stuff. He never produced anything with Explorer in it. ([Tom] - Oh! Okay. Okay.)

[Tom] - I did it! I killed him! And you know what? I'm glad I did it!

[Tom] - Glad I tell you! Glad! (Evil laugh) ([Joel] - We have closure, and Movie Sign!)

(Segment Ends)

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