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05/17/2002


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Episode 704: The Incredible Melting Man

---------------------------

Complete  or Audio File

(At the end of the film)

[Mike] - Cape Kennedy was renamed Cape Ted Nelson, then quickly renamed Cape Kennedy again...

[Mike] - ([Tom] - Well.... Huh...) So, they learned nothing...? ([Tom] - Yep.)

[Crow] - Well, I learned something, Mike. I learned doctors don't care.

[Tom] - I learned that, um, Southern California can get cold enough for a snow-boot jacket.

[Mike] - [Tom] - I never knew that.) I learned never to name a child "Burr".

[Crow] - (laughs) Mike, I've written a short sketch about Burr DeBenning. (clears his throat) Hi, what's your name? Burr! Oh, here. Take my coat. Now, what's your name? Burr! (laughs) ([Mike] - That's... very good.) ([Tom] - Ha!) Kill me...

[Tom] - Well, I, uh, also learned never to scream, "I'm Ted Nelson" to a security guard.

[Mike] - I learned that, uh, half-eaten turkey legs make very tepid ironic statements.

[Crow] - Uh, we learned it's good to have Saltines around your house.

[Tom] - I learned that sheriffs are full of pyrotechnics.

[Mike] - Jonathan Demme!?!? Ah, who cares... Anyway...

[Tom] - Well, once again, we learn that NASA is staffed by two or three people, tops.

[Crow] - And they hire civilian doctors to head up their recovery program. ([Tom] - Yep!)

[Tom] - What else? What else? Oh, I learned that some nurses can't find properly-fitting uniforms.

[Mike] - ([Tom] - You?) I must have learned something else.... Oh! We learned that some cats can open the refrigerator, get the milk, bring the milk into the middle of the kitchen, throw it up in the air, drop it on the floor, shatter it all over the place. ([Tom] - That's a good lesson...)

[Crow] - Well, we also learned that if you're a melting man, you can have a short, but highly successful career as a sprinter!

[Tom] - Me? I learned that I should never marry a passive, immobile doctor named "Ted Nelson", who doesn't ever do anything. And I certainly shouldn't have his baby. ([Mike] - I think that's very sound.)

[Mike] - Oh, you know what? I learned that I can use the word "HAJAKA!!!" as an expletive, if necessary. ([Tom] -  HAJAKA!!! Indeed.)

[Crow] - Well, I learned that if you're going to have a General over for dinner, you better have turkey legs and beer on hand. ([Tom] - (Laughs))

[Tom] - Ah, well, uh, we learned that lights and lighting aren't really necessary to make a film these days. ([Mike] - And, neither are actors!) True... True...

[Tom] - Well, I think I learned that I shouldn't go to Saturn unless I have the proper protective gear.

[Crow] - ([Mike] - (Stands and begins stretching)) Yep... Yep............. Yep!

[Crow] - Right now I'm learning that even though this movie is about eighty minutes long, it feels like Berlin Alexanderplatz.

[Tom] - I also learned that some sheriffs aren't married. Did you know that? ([Mike] - Yeah.)

[Mike] - I learned that it was impossible to look good in the seventies.

[Crow] - I learned that even if you chop a monster's arm off, it'll only make him stronger and more powerful.

[Tom] - And I learned that you can just fill in crucial elements of the plot whenever it's convenient. ([Mike] - Yeah.) I did not know that! ([Crow] - Nooo!)

[Mike] - We've learned that if you're put in charge of an urgent, top secret government project, it really doesn't matter if you do anything. ([Crow] - Yep... Yep.)

[Crow] - ([Mike] - Well, let's go.) And we learned that sometimes people can abuse spirit gum and latex. ([Mike] -Oh, I hear you!)

(Segment Ends)

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