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6/28/2001
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Host Segment
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[Crow] - (Sips down his coffee)
[Tom] - Mmmm, Mmmm! You know, that pie was delicious. Did you bake it yourself?
[Joel] - Oh, no. It's just a recipe my grandmother stole from the bakery! (To Crow) Hey, want some more?
[Crow] - Only half a gallon!
[Joel] - What are you so smug about? You look like a man who just inherited Texas!
[Crow] - Yeah, the coffee taste like mud, Roger Mudd!
[Tom] - Yeah, and the coffee wasn't half as bad as the dinner!
[Joel] - Well, I only burn it when you come home drunk!
[Crow] - Oh, so you burn it every night!
[Joel] - Oh, don't bring that up again!
[Crow] - I have to bring it up. If I hold it in, I'll die!
[Tom] - Dye! That's what this coffee taste like, dye!
[Joel] - Did you two get enough? You hardly touched your steak.
[Crow] - I didn't want to touch it. It scared me.
[Tom] - Yeah, talk about steak being tough! I thought they retired Man O War to stud!
[Tom] - Oh, what would you know about being a stud!?
[Crow] - Well, the meat was better if you put that fuzzy gravy on it.
[Tom] - Oh, was that gravy? I thought the dog had been sick!
[Crow] - I've never seen Spam served so many ways... Especially in the Jell-O!
[Joel] - Oh well, it looked like you enjoyed the marinade, or were you just being a pig?
[Crow] - Hey, the only thing that's marinated around here is Tom!
[Tom] - Oh, next time why don't you just skip dinner and go strait to passing out on the table!?
[Joel] - Okay, keep it down, you two!
[Crow] - I don't think I can keep anything down if I have to keep looking at that dessert!
[Tom] - Yeah, you know, on second thought, forget about the pie. I'd just rather eat the recipe!
[Joel] - Oh, why can't we just have a meal like a family just once!?
[Joel] - We've got movie sign!
(Segment ends)
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