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Episode 603: The Dead Talk Back

Invention Exchange

---------------------------

[Dr F] - Kids, I'd like to demonstrate how business and science walk hand-in-sweaty-hand.

[Dr F] - Hypothesis: Anything can be sold to anyone via my new process of pin point marketing...

[Dr F] - Frank?....... Normal marketing campaigns allow some people to slip through the gill nets of commerce, um....

[Dr F] - Whereas my pin point marketing sits on the customer's cheast, and dangles loogies in his face until he buys! (laughs) If you don't mind me mixing my metaphors. (laughs)

[Dr F] - FRANK!!!!

[Dr F] - My product? Oh, anything will do...

[Dr F] - (Removing a green cloth from a covered display) Say, cigarettes?...... FRANK!!!

[Frank] - (Shows up, looking as if he's just awakened, brushing his teeth)

[Dr F] - D'oh! (runs over to fix Frank's hair.) Give them the hard sell, Frank.

[Frank] - (With ZERO passion) Nelson cigarettes, for the spirit of Nelson in all of us.

[Dr F] - Work it now, Frank! Sizzle it!

[Frank] - (Again, with ZERO passion) Nelson cigarettes, for the spirit of Nelson in all of us.

[Dr F] - As my assistant sends you your new favorite cigarettes, via the umbilicon, prepare to witness pin point marketing!

[Mike] - OK, here it is.

[Crow] - Oh wow! Cool! ([Tom] - Let me look at that.)

[Crow] - Mike! It's you! And you're cool!

[Mike] - Yeah, but I don't smoke.

[Crow] - Well, isn't it time you started?

[Mike] - No, it's bad for you.

[Crow] - Oh fine! Smoking is bad, and there's no other side to it. That's real open minded, Mike.

[Tom] - Hey, look at this... (reading from the pack) Nelson Cigarettes: For the rugged individual trapped in space.

[Crow] - Come on, Mike! Live a little. Smoking is a great way to assert your independence!

[Mike] - Look, pin point marketing or not, I don't like smoking, and I'm not going to start!

[Crow] - You know, you're not *man* enough to smoke Nelson, Nelson! (storms off) ([Tom] - Wow!)

[Dr F] - Fine... Have it your way... You could have been so..... Nelson... You disgust me!

[Dr F] - Well, your movie this week is a little butt of a film called The Dead Talk Back.

[Frank] - (Dressed in a Nelson brand T-Shirt, cowboy straw hat, and packing a pack of cigarettes in his hand) Howdy!

[Dr F] - Morning... Oh! (clenching his fist at Frank, then looks at his hat) May I?

[Dr F] - (Admires the hat for a few moments, then throws it to the floor and begins to stomp all over it!)

[Frank] - (Appears to be a shocked at what just happened)

[Dr F] - Well, Nelson. Your first short film is a little product called The Selling Wizard - And I hope you get freezer burn!

[Frank] - Shoot!

(Segment ends)

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