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In Operation Since September 26, 1999

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This Update As Of:

11/15/2001
There Will Not Be An Update
During The Week of Thanksgiving.


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Turkey Day 1995 - 1st Intro Segment

---------------------------

Complete Audio File

[Dr F] - (Busy working, typing away.)

[Dr F] - Ah! Greetings, you unfortunate total losers! I'm Dr Clayton Forrester.

[Dr F] - It's Thanksgiving, and once again I shall soon be ruling the world.

[Dr F] - As you cling to one another, weeping in desperation, you may ask, "Why now? Why me?" Because my mother is coming in a few hours, and I'd like to be ruling the world by the time she gets here.

[Dr F] - (The doorbell rings.) Oh No! Mother! She's Early!!!!!

[Dr F] - (Panicked!) Oh, what do I do? I haven't.... put.... (runs over to the door) I'm not ruling the world!!!

[Jack Perkins] - (The door opens to reveal a surprise guest) Hello! And warm Thanksgivings greetings, Dr Clayton Forrester!

[Dr F] - Perkins!? What the hell are you doing here, you pedantic leathery old....

[Jack Perkins] - Now Clay, come I... I come bearing an invitation from televisions own, Frank. Done in a tasteful, yet not too formal, Bookman old style font, on a crisp and elegant eggshell....

[Dr F] - (Jerking the invitation away from Jack) Would you just give me this! (reading) Please join Dr Clayton Forrest and TV's Frank.... Thanksgiving dinner!!!!

[Dr F] - FRAAAAAAAAAAAANK! (begins sobbing)

[Jack Perkins] - Oh, now Clay, this is going to be fun! Say, I brought a tangy Mexican three-layer dip. I hope there's enough for everyone.

[Dr F] - Everyone? There's more? Oh, son-of-a.... (slams the invitation into the dip, splashing some of Jack) Perkins!!!!

[Dr F] - My mother will be here in just a few hours. I don't even know what I have in the kitchen. Maybe some Ramón noodles?

[Jack Perkins] - Oh, now Clay. That'll never do for Mother Forrester, let alone the rest of the guests. I'll tell you what let's do. Why don't you nip down to the store with this list, prepared for me by Burt Wolf - just about the finest shopping list I've ever seen - and I'll stay here and take care of things here.

[Dr F] - Ah, good. Good, I'll just, um, nip down to Piggly Wiggly and get the stuff on the...

[Dr F] - Oh, um, be a dear, Jack, and, um, send them the movie.

[Jack Perkins] - Why, of course! (Dr F heads out the door)

[Jack Perkins] - Hello. And welcome to the first movie in this, our Turkey Day Marathon.

[Jack Perkins] - This one is a fun hunk of cinematic sludge, that ([Dr F] - (Runs back in) No no no no no!) I like to think of as one of the finest....

[Dr F] - This! Read this here. (gives Jack a card to read from) ([Jack Perkins] - Thank you.) ([Dr F] - (Runs back out the door)

[Dr F] - (Reading from the card) You brainless monkeys. I will make you bow down before me. (laughs) One day, you will all be before me, prostrate, quaking, naked and afraid. And I will show you the meaning of loss.

[Dr F] - (Reading from the card) (laughs) So that I might quickly dominate you, this year I've selected a fast-acting episode from the first year of my experiment - The Crawling Hand. (hold his hand up to his face) Ahhhh! (laughs) Enjoy!

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